Friday, September 14, 2012

Angry Ramblings...

I've never understood why people who suffer, are forced to suffer over and over again.  While those who never see the dark side of life, continue to live in ignorant bliss of how the rest of us beg, borrow and steal just to make it through each day.  

To all of those who can relate...and when I say this you all will know exactly who you are..

While I may have once thought of visiting Holland ....I never asked to live there.  

Holland sucks. No offense to the actual country of Holland...I'm sure its very pretty and nice there.  But figuratively speaking, Holland can keep its tulips and windmills.

As I'm typing this it just occurred to me that it may not be a coincidence that in the springtime, hundreds of Tulips sprout up out of the concrete jungle, otherwise known as Manhattan, in front of the Morgan Stanley Children's Hospital.  Well played landscapers, well played.  Those of us in Holland get it. 

Tonight I am angry...

Emily's nightmare will never end...And as her mother, I live in her nightmare even when she is wide awake or peacefully dreaming of some far away place, like she is right now.

And anyone who thinks they can relate to how it feels to live in can't.  You just can't.  Living in  Holland is a full time, 24 hour a day, 365 day a year, one way trip to hell.  You don't want to know how it go back to your blissfully ignorant life and be happy.  


Someone I was talking to today said in reference to Emily and myself... "You don't want to mess with Momma Bear, especially when her baby cubs are involved".  She could not have been more on point if she tried.  Not just in regards to Emily, but in general I am very protective over my children.  They are my love, my life and the center of my world.  If they hurt, I hurt. And as a good momma bear should, I will always have the source of that pain dead in my sights.  

That's why I have such a strong exterior, I need to be strong for them.  When life, and people in their life, continually disappoint my baby cubs, you better believe this Momma Bear is going to stand up on her hind legs and show her teeth.  My claws are sharp...if they weren't, what kind of mother would I be?

...Momma bear is watching and I never forget ANYTHING.  Especially not while I'm living in Holland.