Surgery Tomorrow - #15

It's been over a month since I posted on this blog and I apologize to those who return on a regular basis to get an update on how Emily is doing. This past month has been ridiculously crazy and I have not had time to do very much writing. In fact you should see my house right now, laundry is out of control! But that's besides the point. This post is just to briefly update what has been going on, I will elaborate in my next few posts.

Emily's surgery has been postponed 3 times because she has been sick. Most recently it was postponed from last Thursday to tomorrow. The boys got sick and then so did she, I am so frustrated at this point, I just want it to be over. 5 hours....F I V E hours she will be in the OR. Just scary. I am feeling kind of numb about it right now. I might be a mess when I am there tomorrow, but I have some good music on my ipod, a laptop to write with and I am bringing Christmas cards to write out. That should keep me busy and my mind off of things for a little while. Maybe I will just pull up a gurney and take a nap. Lord knows I need to sleep more.

About 3 weeks ago, Emily turned two and wow was that an emotional day for me! I will post pictures and elaborate on how things went another time, but lets just say I was such a proud mommy that day. My little Emmy has come so far and been through so much...and she was just so happy that day (and everyday for that matter). I love her so much, she really is the light in all this darkness. Happy Birthday Cupcake!

Personally, I have been through a vast array of emotions over the last month or so. Having some pretty steep highs and really low lows. There's that damned roller coaster again, still haven't gotten off the ride I guess. I have found that I am subconsciously distracting myself from dealing with alot of emotional stuff lately. I've tried to keep myself busy, especially on weekends by getting together with friends. I need to have someone to laugh with, or laugh at. Just a couple weeks ago we had friends over and someone said something that really wasn't that funny, but I just giggled and giggled...I laughed so much that it eventually turned into an uncontrollable laugh/cry thing...all my emotions letting go at the same time. I haven't laughed like that in a long long time. I think what set me off was the word "jiggled"...not sure what we were talking about but it just struck me as hilarious. Periodically during my day I will think back to a conversation I had or comment that was made and it will make me smile or laugh to myself, sometimes even out loud. It's moments like those that get me through my day. Thank you to all who make me laugh, you are keeping me sane. Music has been therapeutic for me as well. The more I listen to it, the louder it speaks to me. All of a sudden I am hearing meaning in songs that I've heard a hundred times. It's fantastic.

I am really glad that my husband and I have been able to start getting out more, just the two of us and with friends. We really need it and the timing couldn't be better. The holidays are coming and this is typically my favorite time of year...time to celebrate life, love and friendship. A time for miracles and a time to BELIEVE.

Right now, we need to BELIEVE in Emily's doctors, rely on our love and friendships to get us through each day...and pray for a MIRACLE. God, please watch over our little girl tomorrow...give her the strength and courage to get through it. Give her doctors the knowledge and ability to help her, to fix her, to heal her.

I will update again tomorrow...