Appointment With Dr. Bortz

Tuesday 2/2/2010


Unfortunately I came down with the dreaded stomach flu and couldn't go to the appointment with Dr. Bortz. Today for the FIRST TIME EVER...Jason took Emily to the doctor by himself. We've either always gone together, or it was just me...never only him. I was just too sick to go, so what choice did he have? We could have cancelled the appointment, but decided not to. She needed to be seen and we needed answers. I just wish I had been there to ask the questions.

Not that I don't trust Jason, but I am always the one who deals with these things and know what kind of questions to ask, what kind of answers I need to hear. I didn't think to make a list for him, but even if I did he probably wouldn't have used it anyway.

When Jason called me after he left the office, surgery had already been scheduled for next Wednesday. Because I wasn't there I had to rely on him to relay the information from the appointment, which presents a problem. It was like playing fill in the blank because he doesn't retain information very well, so I'd ask a question and he'd have a hard time explaining or remembering what was said. Nothing personal against him, its just a guy thing I suppose, but frustrating none the less.

This is what I got out of it: At first Dr. Bortz really felt as though she might have some kind of muscular problem on that side of her face. He was watching her and didn't see her try to blink or close her eye at all. It was only after he put his hand in front of her face a few times (frightening her essentially) that she blinked and proved to him that she COULD blink on her own. Maybe it takes more effort for her to close that eye? I don't know, but after that he agreed that she needed the surgery, I found out later on that Dr. Zaidman was talking to him in the other room and Jason overheard him tell Dr. Bortz that this is what she needed. Was he pushing him to do this procedure????

He explained that her inner and outer eyelids will be separated and the top and bottom will be sewn together. A couple of stitches on the outer corner and possibly one or two on the inner corner. SHE WILL LOOK DRASTICALLY DIFFERENT. This is PERMANENT.

Wait...I thought this was supposed to be a temporary fix to help heal the scratch on her cornea! Not a permanent way to keep her eye halfway closed. If in the future (say 5 years from now) Dr. Kane or another doctor needs to go in and operate in that eye, the stitches can be undone at that time. But there could be some long term issues, such as eyelashes growing in the wrong direction. Well what about how she will LOOK? If her eyelid is sewn shut for 5 years I have to assume that it's not going to just spring back to normal without any difference in appearance! Yes, the point is to help her cornea heal so her vision can be maintained, but how she looks to the rest of the world will have a huge impact on her growing up. Right now she looks as normal as possible...after the surgery she will not.

I can feel the knot in my stomach forming already, it's like a dark cloud beginning to grow inside me. Everything about this surgery seems wrong.