I Didn't Cry Today

September 2, 2009

It has been almost exactly 3 months since Emily had the second corneal transplant in her left eye. Today she finally had the stitches removed. The hospital had a warm, comforting feel to it today. I'm not sure if it was because the nurses all recognized us and were so amazed at how big Emily has gotten or the fact that we were only there for an EUA and removal of the stitches. Maybe it was a combination of both. The nurses couldn't stop commenting on how cute Emily was and were shocked to realize that the first time she was there was almost 2 years ago. That time span seems like a long time, but for us it has gone by in a flash. Because we are constantly at the hospital so often, each day/visit seems to just blur into the next. It's kind of dizzying now that I think about it.

Emily has definitely started to show her more independent side lately. While we tried to keep her entertained on the hospital bed while the nurse was asking us some questions, it was short lived. All she wanted to do was get down and explore. The nurse gave her a thermometer to play with, but in typical girl fashion she used it as a phone. I think she was talking to Tyler and Poppy (grandpa). But eventually she lost interest so we had to let her get down off the bed, or she would have started setting off heart monitors and pulling the oxygen tubes out of the wall! She walked all around the surgical area and up and down the OR Hallway. She would have walked herself right into the operating room if we let her!

When the time finally came for her to go into surgery, Jason suited up and walked her down. I followed them as far as I could, then I had to say goodbye. I kissed her and told her I loved her, just as I always do. "Be strong baby girl, Mommy will be here when you wake up". Then Jason took her through the double doors and out of my sight. This is usually the point in time when I get really emotional and cry. But for the first time I didn't. I was trying to be strong...I had to be strong. I didn't even have to fight back tears, they were simply not there. Was I scared for her? Of course...anytime she goes under anesthesia I am scared. But today she was not going to have anything major done. It was still surgery, but it was just to remove stitches. Oddly enough that seemed like a good reason for her to be in the hospital, if there is such a thing as a good reason.

It was a fairly short procedure, considering she's been in the operating room for upwards of 4 hours at some points. Jason and I went to get a bagel and drink and before we knew it she was in recovery. Dr. Zaidman had some good news for us. Her left eye looks great! The cornea is very clear and the lens implant is still in place. Her pressure was 21, but keeping in mind she had only had the 2nd valve implanted two weeks ago and was still on the Diamox, we knew why it wasn't as high as it had been. He suggested that when Dr. Kane goes back in to open the drainage tube on the 2nd valve that he removes the original valve because the tube is a little too close to the cornea for his liking. Dr. Kane had expected that he would suggest doing that.

But as I have learned to expect, with the good news comes the bad news. For some reason the pressure in the right eye was 30 today. Wow...30? I was really shocked at that number because her right eye has consistently been around 20 for quite some time now. Ok, lay it on me....let me guess...she needs more surgery on that eye? Ding Ding Ding! You are correct! I knew she was going to need a partial or possibly another complete corneal transplant in the right eye because of the scar tissue that formed in the center, but I was not anticipating anything related to the glaucoma. Dr. Z told us that he would leave it up to Dr. Kane to decide what he wanted to do about it, but he suggested that the valve be replaced or a second one put in. Great...once again, we can't just enjoy the good news can we?

He gave us a prescription for glasses, but told us not to fill it quite yet. We should wait until she saw Dr. Morgan and get his opinion first. She may need glasses for seeing close up because the lens implant allows her to see better far away, but causes the eye not to focus at close range.

We let Emily sleep for a while before really trying to wake her up and give her some juice. She was sleeping so peacefully...