Over the past few years I have come to realize that friends are just as much a part of my family as my family is...sometimes they ARE my family. But what defines a friend? I've thought about it alot lately and found that no two friends are the same. Each friend provides their own unique purpose and place in your life.
Some friends are people you have known for years, the ones who you went to school with or grew up with. These are what I call "life friends". They have been in your life the longest. Some of them you talk to regularly, some have faded away and are not prominent in your life any longer. You might send a Christmas card to them (or not) but either way they will always be in your life. Time doesn't change anything for these friends, you can go years without talking and it doesn't matter. You pick up right where you left off.
"Situational Friends" are people you know because of a set of circumstances that lead you both to that first random meeting. Usually there is some form of commonality that creates the friendship. A meeting that occurs in the doctors office waiting room, a conversation with a coworker or with a complete stranger on an online message group for example. These friends all share something in common with you, it is the glue that keeps your friendship alive. These friends provide you with a sense of comfort, a feeling that you are not alone in life. Some of these friendships will not last forever, but the ones that impact your life in the most profound ways, will. These might be friends you see all the time, or never meet, but you know they will always be there for you when you need them.
"Go-To Friends" may be people you talk to all the time or only occasionally. But when you are looking for something specific...you know exactly who to call. Looking for a fun night out? Need to cry? Want to laugh? Need advice about X, Y or Z? Call your go-to friend, you know they will hook you up! Most people have multiple go-to friends, all have their own specialty.
"Comfort Friends" don't necessarily need to talk to you to comfort you, they just listen. And when you do need them to talk, they won't always have the right words, but it usually doesn't matter. Sometimes they know that what you really need is a hug. A hug from the right friend at the right time is always therapeutic. No words necessary. These friends are there for you anytime, day or night, no questions asked.
The "Unexpected Friend" sometimes is the dark horse in your life. This friend might be in the background most of the time, but one day comes front and center. Suddenly you realize you have more in common than you thought and your friendship takes on a whole new meaning. There is always a reason that this friend has been in your life, and until that "a-ha" moment happens, you don't fully understand their purpose or their significance.
"Best Friends" are very often a combination of all of the above. They are there for you ALWAYS. They don't judge you or question your actions or words. They fully understand you and love you unconditionally. You might talk to them multiple times a day, everyday. Or you might go days, weeks or months without talking at all.
"Spousal Friend" - this is the only type of friend for which you will only have one of. Your husband or wife is your default friend. Before you fall in love and get married, you are friends first. That friendship is continually growing and will never stop evolving. Your spousal friend has special privileges that no other friends has. (no further explanation needed) : ) One stipulation though, your spouse is always your best friend, but not your ONLY best friend. Friendships outside of your marriage is not only extremely important, but necessary for your marriage to be successful (and happy). You need other friends in your life, people who are not inside your "bubble" so to speak. Non spousal friends are not directly involved in your marriage or family. They can be objective and offer comfort and support in ways your spouse might not be able to...especially if you need someone to vent to about your husband or wife, or other family related issues. Otherwise all you will do is argue, and your marriage will suffer. And who wants that?
How often should you talk to your friends? Everyday or just once in a while? What do you talk about? Anything and everything...and sometimes nothing. There is no right or wrong amount of contact between friends. Whatever it is, it is.
"My Sacrifice" by Creed has a powerful message about friendship. I Love this song, Give it a listen...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMMpy81xInc
My friends ARE my family. My family is too competitive, too judgemental, too picky, too "guilt giving", too "right", too "their way or no way", and my LEAST favorite is the fact that my family isn't "real" enough for me. My sisters and other extended family members only give me what they want me to see. I can't "work" to be a part of someone's life. I need to be able to be myself... and say and think how I feel without the drama and NEED to have to get them to "like" me. How come my friends know more about me and seem to like me a LOT more. Maybe if my family would pull the junk out of their booties then we could be "real" for once. OK....my rant is done. This was a great post!
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